Nov 6, 2009

Black Men & Love

"Real black men aren't faithful, it's not to their advantage, nor is it part of their current or past culture. Only mixed, soft or non-desirable Black men are faithful. Desirable Black men have too many options. Only valid reason to be with one woman is for physical safety or lack of time. It's really not to a man's advantage these days, too many options."

This was the response my friend gave me when I was discussing (i.e. ranting) about black men on Twitter. After reading about Shaq's latest affair in the news, along with a few comments about black men equating affection, love and romance with being "soft and weak", I was beyond aggravated. Like, why do black men have to have this warped outlook on something that truly is a beautiful thing. I quickly posted a response to this on facebook:

Personally I feel like black men that think this are delusional. They're living a life of always searching for the next best thing and more often than not, lack the gusto to be real with women and let them know they aren't on shit. Men typically give the false sense that the relationship is going to eventually lead to something... having these women hanging around. I also don't agree with playing the role of having a wife/kids knowing good and well it's just for show and you 'll be on to the next one.

I also think women are pathetic wanting to be wifed up first just so they can live a "good" life and set themselves up to get half.

In the end, everyone loses out... especially if there are children, which let's be honest... black men are great at making babies and then bouncing. Kids end up growing up in a household where they aren't seeing healthy examples of love and in turn don't know how to give or receive it in a proper way.

Yes, I'm on a slight rant and should probably just write a blog... but I am saddened to see black men viewing love, monogamy and affection as "lame, weak or soft". Life is short and love is a beautiful thing. Being in love is not being defeated. Opening yourself up to all the wonderful blessings you can experience with someone makes life worth living.

A lifetime of chasing women and always looking for the next best things will leave you lonely in the end. I'm glad that I've found my soul mate and person I want to grow and experience life with. I'm also happy that the majority of my friends are in happy/healthy situations and moving forward....

This has caused a nice amount of comments on my facebook page and I wanted to share:

- He's 20! let him live awhile. I'm a 26 year old currently single man who's never cheated on woman. Not everyone can be a gentleman in that regard, but for him to flat say that about "real" black men is bullshit. Thank you for downgrading us sir. It's comments like this that make it hard for a true or "real" gentleman's kind words to be taken sincerely and not as a player's game to spit at females.

- I think if people took long enough to figure out who THEY are and what they want out of life, instead of seeking a significant other,there would be less failed relationships

- Always there's a little truth mixed in with BS. Okay, true there are a lot of options. But false, REAL black men aren't faithful. Really, I don't think it's a race thing...ppl of all races dip out all the time (watch Mad Men). The thing is a REAL man doesn't make false promises. If a guy is living a single life, he should be upfront about it and not lead women on. At the same time, women hafta hear what he's saying too... When a REAL man decides to be in a relationship he can give his all to the relationship. Yeah, all the options swing their ass in his face all the time, but a REAL man is not p*ssy driven like that.

Ppl that age generally haven't experienced enough to contribute sound advice. But the gist of what he was saying is applicable to any single man who is doing a lil something with themselves.

- I don't think his age is really a factor. I know plenty of 35 year old black men who have similar beliefs. They have been brought up to believe that they are special and rare like unicorns, so they feel entitled to treat women like objects.

Any thoughts?
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