How long is "too long" to be engaged?

During an interview on the Wendy Show, Jennifer Hudson was asked about her 5+ year engagement to fiance David Otunga and her response was that they were "taking baby steps."

When I heard this my face screwed up just as quickly as Wendy's did lol. I was like, wait a minute. Baby steps? What world are you living in where having a 5 year old son and being engaged for 6 years equates to baby steps? I mean, if a baby and 6 year relationship are baby steps, what are we all doing with our lives?

I've never quite understood people who feel comfortable accepting a marriage proposal, but drag their feet with the whole marriage thing. I mean, the point of an engagement is to actually get married. Now, I am sure that long engagements have probably equaled more than a few dodged bullets, but the reality of the situation (in my perspective) is that you shouldn't feel comfortable accepting a marriage proposal from someone you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with.

JHud, Fiance Otunga and Son David Jr.

In my own experience I was engaged for about a day or two tops, then we got married - - because that's what people do. They get engaged and then get married lol. Now, it's no secret that a few years later and I was divorced, but the length of the engagement or quickness of the actual wedding didn't affect that. I've been rather transparent about the struggle that is military life... but I digress. I can really only rationalize about 1-2 years for an engagement and that would be to save money, plan the wedding, seek out pre-marital counseling... you know, actual stuff that you should be doing with the time you're engaged.

After being engaged for over 5 years, it feels as though the engagement is more of a novelty and "get out of jail free card" from having to call yourself a baby mama or baby daddy. Do you think it's normal to have a 5+ year engagement? Or does this seem like some fuckery and foolishness?

Thoughts?



http://youtu.be/aiXB0xMBZZ4

How to Measure your Calves for Boots (via @GarnerStyle)

There was a point in time last Fall/Winter when my bf pulled me aside and told me that my beloved Chinese Laundry OTK boots had to go. It was hard to admit because I'd had them for quite a few years, but they were busting at the seems, had stains on the leather, and were super slouchy in some areas. Thus, after we moved I cut the chord and tossed them in the trash. This was very difficult to do.

My Calves: 15.25 Inches

Fast forward to now... it's nearly Fall and I'm on the hunt for a new pair of OTK boots to replace my old favs. The only catch? I have pretty large calves and it's always rolling the dice when it comes to whether or not a boot will fit. Enter blogger GarnerStyle. I came across this super informative video by GarnerStyle on how to measure your calves for boots.

This seems like common sense, but for some reason I had never taken the time to do it... and my calves are on the larger side of "normal." I followed her directions and measured my calves... and guess what? They're 15.25" each. Pretty dope... and informative, so I can actually have real facts with me as I try out boots in stores and look online.

The Perfect Coat for Fall

Praise God for PTO and being able to take some time off work. I've been feeling very overwhelmed lately, so being able to veg out around the house and catch up on Wendy Show today was awesome.

During the Fall Fashion segment I saw this amazing plaid coat and fell in love... it's seriously everything my fall fashion dreams are made of.

It retails for $229 at Urban Outfitters and can be found online here. I'd need to see it in person and make sure the fit was on point, but it looks like the perfect Fall/Winter coat to get me through the impending grey days ahead of me in the Pacific Northwest.

2014 Break-Up Anthem (via @BigSean)

Big Sean just dropped a new DJ Mustard produced song called "I Don't Fuck with you" featuring E-40 and it will make anyone going through a break-up attempt to c-walk and smile as you tell your ex you no longer have fucks to give their life.

 It's not often a male rapper drops a break-up song, so I'm very appreciative for this gem. Take a listen and let me know what you think. Feeling inspired to tell someone to kick rocks? Lol...

#LoveYourLines

Love lines, battle wounds, mommy marks... whatever you want to call them, stretch marks typically get a bad wrap. We are often pushed every product under the sun in hopes of getting rid of the marks, but #LoveYourLines aims to highlight and remove the negative stigma surrounding stretchmarks.

Promoted as "two moms celebrating real women, real bodies and real self love" #LoveYourLines is making waves on Instagram as every day women submit photos showcasing their stretch marks.

To keep it all the way 100 the #LoveYourLines Instagram page is offering me a ton of inspiration. I have 2 stretch marks on my body that seriously drive me nuts. It's not something everyone can spot, but it's something I zero in on each time. Ugh. It's annoying. I've tried oils, butters, creams... if I could pay a reasonable price for a laser removal I would. However, nothing has worked and I'm at the point where I've had to accept the marks and #LoveMyLines.

It's SO easy to get consumed with the idea of body image and get down on ourselves, not to mention the idea of having stretch marks seriously makes my entire force crumble... but #LoveYourLines is showcasing just how common stretch marks are. Whether it's due to weight gain, weight loss, pregnancy, etc... stretch marks aren't the end of the world.

Do you have stretch marks? What is your relationship with them?

"He pulled me down the stairs by my hair..." A domestic violence story (via @pixiwoos)

Everyone is talking about the Ray Rice elevator domestic abuse case and elevator footage. The feedback in the media has been overwhelming full of many opinions, judgments, explanations, excuses... the only person not chiming in is his wife Janay. This is another reminder of how little voice the abused typically have.

Two of my favorite makeup artists, sisters Sam and Nic of Pixiwoo, recently sat down with their mother who was a survivor of domestic abuse. In the video she shares her experience being in an abusive marriage, why she stayed, why she left, and her advice to others.

I think it's very important to create a positive conversation around a very unfortunate situation that is all too common. I also wanted to share the voice of a survivor and someone who experienced the struggle because so many people clutter the web with their opinion (myself included), but have not walked a day in the shoes of someone who is actively going through the situation. As an added bonus, it's not common to see open conversations between parents (abuser or abused) and their children. This is a stellar video by the Pixiwoo duo and their amazing mother for being to brave to share her story.

DIY Shea Butter Bars (via @IAmLisaPrice)

Back in the day (i.e. 2009) I used to go HARD for Carol's Daughter "Body Jelly." I seriously thought it was made of magic and would have a full on meltdown if it was out of stock.

I can't exactly pinpoint when it happened, but during the time Lisa Price's company went mainstream it felt like the quality of the products changed.

Fast forward a few years later and I'm now hooked on raw Shea Butter from the beauty supply lol. 32 ounces of raw Shea Butter for under $10 is hard to beat. Nevertheless, when I saw this video of Carol's Daughter founder Lisa Price showing how to make DIY body butter bars on YouTube I fell in love!

For some reason it felt like the "old Lisa" popped back up in this video. There she was, the passionate woman alone in her kitchen with great ingredients, a warm smile, and desire to take away your ashiness 1 butter bar at a time. I fell in love.

So many people are experimenting with DIY recipes and this is one that should definitely be added to the list. I'm adding this to my "must have" list for Fall. I'll be sure to share the results.

#SCARYotypes of Black Women in the Beauty Industry (via @GarnierUSA)

At this point in my life I've gotten used to seeing the one, token brown face used in beauty advertisements. I guess that solitary brown face staring back at me on the boxes, magazine covers, and ads of my favorite products is supposed to make me as a black woman feel include. Part of the team. Not forgotten or viewed as an after thought.

Most people are familiar with the bright green, borderline obnoxious packaging of Garnier USA products. Packaging aside, I'm actually a fan of a handful of items.On a recent shopping excursion in Walgreens (i.e. I ran out of toilet paper and needed a new tooth brush), the one brown face in the latest Garnier USA ad campaign jumped out at me... but for all the wrong reasons.

Not goddess, glamour, princess, or siren... But black girls must be "Urban attitude?" @garnierUSA Very disappointing. pic.twitter.com/EeHONlD3XZ
— EYE-sha (@sixtwentyseven) September 1, 2014

As I looked at the images I saw headlines next to each face... then got to the black girl. "Urban Attitude" .... (insert deep pause) Urban attitude? Really? My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I felt a bit slighted. Like, must the black girl always represent urban attitude? We couldn't get the tagline of goddess, glamour, princess or siren? It "urban attitude" really the best the Garnier USA team could come up with? Better yet, how many people saw this copy and smiled... big, cheesy ass grins thinking 'we nailed this!'

This entire campaign wreaks of a non-black team of people throwing together the type of marketing they thought would appeal to black women. "Black women are so feisty and urban. They had attitude and I'm sure they'd love to see themselves represented on this product in this way." The entire thing is annoying as hell, but more so disappointing. A brand that I've supported for years has blatantly dropped the ball on representing me and those who look like me.

Garnier USA - - black women represent more than "urban attitude." Do better.