Feb 9, 2009

Wake up, Mr. West...

Lately it looks like Kanye West has boycotted hair cuts. He's been looking, well...."rough" would be putting it nicely. My friend wrote a hilarious open letter to Mr. West's hair. The original can be found here (He also has a funny open letter to Sarah Palin and Facebook)

Dear Kanye West’s Hair:

Would you please tell the person with whom you share DNA to taper you down? No samples will be necessary … yet. But we, his fans, want to help in any way possible. We all understand that he’s been through a lot in the last year or so. The album 808s & Heartbreak aside, nothing has said that better than you, his hair.

For the last six months, I’m pretty sure you’ve been screaming at him for the shears the way a dusty car would be yelping at its owner for a wash. To no avail. The problem is that Kanyeezy thinks he can do no wrong. He earnestly believes he “could stand there in a Speedo, and be looked at like a (bleeping) hero.” Those are his words, not mine. And that’s some serious false hope.

I wish that Icould tell him that you, his hair, look as bad as a baby with diarrhea smells. If he literally wants to be “the (poop) and the urine,” so be it. But I don’t think it’s a sound idea, and I think we, his fans, have the man’s best (public) interests at heart. He’s my favorite rapper. I want him to succeed.

But it’s tough when all I can do is shake my head when I see him on television. Seriously, you were at the Grammy Awards with him. You know what you two looked like on stage with Wayne, Jay, T.I. and M.I.A. (Lord, I don’t have the brain capacity to comprehend why that woman was on that stage looking like a pregnant ladybug ready for her water to break). Can you make sense of the debauchery that is Kanye’s head? Did you even try to stop him or try to talk him into putting on a hat or a comb through you before he hit the stage?

It’s hard to support a man known for being clean cut when he openly decides that wants to be the Black Shaggy from Scooby Doo. It would be different if he was Anthony Hamilton, and if you were a part of that soulful image. That would be acceptable. Kanye is supposed to be the preppy, smart aleck rapper who keeps that fresh taper consistent. But you, Kanye’s hair, are just a danger to the black man who potentially thinks you are a good non-haircut.

I know you have little control, and I don’t know what to tell you to do. I guess I’d suggest that you just keep screaming as loud as possible in the morning so that when Kanye looks at the man in the mirror you startle him so much that he sees glimpses of Michael Jackson about 30 years ago. That should scare him into the barber’s chair. I hope.


Dame (definitely not Dash)

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