Jun 9, 2009

Follow-Up : First Fridays Midnight Boat Cruise

Friday night I had the pleasure of paying weeks in advance for a "VIP" ticket and not wanting to waste $55.60 so I basically HAD to go attending the First Fridays boat cruise. Determined to not be left feeling salty on the deck, waving as the boat pulled off we arrived at 1030p - - right on time for the VIP check-in. I was worried that we wouldn't find the check-in table until we spotted the sea, or should I say large blob, of unorganized black folks standing around. I eyed some men standing in the front behind the tables and approached them to figure out where the VIP check-in was. I didn't pay extra money to stand behind Boomsheika as she destroyed her french fries and bitched and moaned to her friends.

"Excuse me, are you all with the event?" I asked not wanting to assume that someone was on the clock if they weren't...

I was met with 3 blank stares. Had I stuttered? I tried shooting them a smile, not to be friendly but more so to mask my confusion as how utterly slow these guys must be.

"What can I help you with?" one of them had finally spoke up after the 3 exchanged a few chuckles.

I was confused. Should I not be asking the guys that were clearly standing BEHIND the fucking ticket table for directions? I'm sorry... answer my fucking question or kick a pile of rocks. If you wanna stunt on someone please do so from beside the bar or in your own VIP section...

"Do you know where the VIP check-in is? Or is this it?" I asked referring to the cluster fuck of people standing behind me...

"There's only 1 check-in" the guy answered managing to continue shooting his blank stare my way.


This was the first sign that things were going to be downhill. I don't like false advertisement and I don't like people using the excuse that "all promoters do it". When buying the ticket is clearly stated that the VIP check-in would not only be separate but at 1030p, 30 mins before the general public was allowed to check-in.

My girl and I made our way back to the line and began scanning the crowd.

"I think we're the youngest ones here" she said...

Looking around the crowd I had to agree. I was so confused. The May event had featured a great mix of 25-35yo professionals, tons of men, great music and an awesome location - - The Hotel Sax. The boat cruise was nothing like that. On average people were 35-50 and amid the horrendous men wearing suits from the Steve Harvey Collection and throngs of hood chicks and their ghetto ass friends, the excitement for the boat cruise was completely deflated.

Now when my girlfriend discovered that there actually WAS a VIP check-in and we were able to switch lines and get instant service things were starting to look up... but my 2 long islands weren't able to help me thru the 1.5 hr wait to board the boat. At midnight we finally began boarding and I was thrilled but that didn't last long. Turns out the entire night was a sham. The Don Julio and Ciroc hosted cocktails in the VIP that was advertised were wack!!!!!! These are the "drinks" that we received...and in case you can't tell how small they were I used my finger and blackberry to show their actual size. Imagine taking a shot of Nyquil and that was about it.

Next up on my shit list were the hors d'oeuvres that they advertised having. I've never seen Texas toast with shredded cheese thrown on top and actually served. To say it was a disappointment would be a gross understatement.

Now let me tell you that it couldn't get much more bootleg than this - - the "comedy show" consisted of a guy grabbing a mic and saying about 5 mins worth of material while DJ Mark Fuller set up his equipment. Even the 6 shots of patron I had did not make me forget that I had paid for a real "comedy show" and "hosted bar".

The "comedy show"

Besides the "comedy show" being non-existent (it's really hard to not continuously put quotes around comedy show lol) I must reiterate how much I was NOT feeling the crowd on the boat. I mean, some people were so excited I wanted to clarify to them that this didn't count as a REAL cruise. We were only going around Lake Michigan, not somewhere tropical like an island or Mexico...so simmer down, please. I think of myself as an authentic bourgeoisie but down to earth female so I can "hang" but I was totally out of my element...even the 8 drinks I had could barely get me thru the night. lol... While I'm sure a lot of people had a wonderful time on the boat I was not one of them (nor were my 2 girlfriends that went...)

I don't like hood operations and it's clear that I didn't have the time of my life (year, month or week) on that boat. The false advertisement in regards to the comedy show and VIP Don Julio & Ciroc hosted bar, in addition to the lackluster crowd, made me feel like it was $55.60 and 4.5 hrs of my life that I'll never get back. However, I will say that the boat itself was nice and I would recommend going for one of their lunch/dinner cruises.

I will never do another boat cruise in Chicago. Unless it's a more selective event or personal yacht (which I'm all about yachts) I'll take a big PASS.

Hood ass things that happened:

1. While standing in line some lady claiming to be a teacher (really an "attendance coordinator" and "freshman liaison") saw a group of her students (who she claimed hadn't been in school that day). She joked with the boys that they should "get their asses home" and the responded by trying to snap pics of her "dressed up " with their camera phone. *sigh*

2. 2 women pulled bags of flaming hots out of their purse and proceeded to eat them. I just wondered where they wiped their hands.


1. The "comedian" making fun of how small the drinks were was actually funny. He had 5 mins worth of material but he made me let out a few chuckles. Plus, hearing him say "kick rocks" in a legitimate sentence won him some points in my book.

2. Learning more about the Odyssey Ship, its crew and captain... as well as trying to make up a name for having sex while out at sea with some of the crew lol.

3. The music was good throughout the entire boat.

4. The views of the skyline
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