Derek Jaxn: A Cheating Man's Heart

72 hours ago I had no clue how Derek Jaxn was... but I love relationship shenanigans and Derek Jaxn's latest cheating scandal was a hot mess. I hopped on IG Live with a few friends to discuss. 

 

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A post shared by Ishea Brown Couch (@sixtwentyseven)

How long is "too long" to be engaged?

During an interview on the Wendy Show, Jennifer Hudson was asked about her 5+ year engagement to fiance David Otunga and her response was that they were "taking baby steps."

When I heard this my face screwed up just as quickly as Wendy's did lol. I was like, wait a minute. Baby steps? What world are you living in where having a 5 year old son and being engaged for 6 years equates to baby steps? I mean, if a baby and 6 year relationship are baby steps, what are we all doing with our lives?

I've never quite understood people who feel comfortable accepting a marriage proposal, but drag their feet with the whole marriage thing. I mean, the point of an engagement is to actually get married. Now, I am sure that long engagements have probably equaled more than a few dodged bullets, but the reality of the situation (in my perspective) is that you shouldn't feel comfortable accepting a marriage proposal from someone you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with.

JHud, Fiance Otunga and Son David Jr.

In my own experience I was engaged for about a day or two tops, then we got married - - because that's what people do. They get engaged and then get married lol. Now, it's no secret that a few years later and I was divorced, but the length of the engagement or quickness of the actual wedding didn't affect that. I've been rather transparent about the struggle that is military life... but I digress. I can really only rationalize about 1-2 years for an engagement and that would be to save money, plan the wedding, seek out pre-marital counseling... you know, actual stuff that you should be doing with the time you're engaged.

After being engaged for over 5 years, it feels as though the engagement is more of a novelty and "get out of jail free card" from having to call yourself a baby mama or baby daddy. Do you think it's normal to have a 5+ year engagement? Or does this seem like some fuckery and foolishness?

Thoughts?



http://youtu.be/aiXB0xMBZZ4

2014 Break-Up Anthem (via @BigSean)

Big Sean just dropped a new DJ Mustard produced song called "I Don't Fuck with you" featuring E-40 and it will make anyone going through a break-up attempt to c-walk and smile as you tell your ex you no longer have fucks to give their life.

 It's not often a male rapper drops a break-up song, so I'm very appreciative for this gem. Take a listen and let me know what you think. Feeling inspired to tell someone to kick rocks? Lol...

"He pulled me down the stairs by my hair..." A domestic violence story (via @pixiwoos)

Everyone is talking about the Ray Rice elevator domestic abuse case and elevator footage. The feedback in the media has been overwhelming full of many opinions, judgments, explanations, excuses... the only person not chiming in is his wife Janay. This is another reminder of how little voice the abused typically have.

Two of my favorite makeup artists, sisters Sam and Nic of Pixiwoo, recently sat down with their mother who was a survivor of domestic abuse. In the video she shares her experience being in an abusive marriage, why she stayed, why she left, and her advice to others.

I think it's very important to create a positive conversation around a very unfortunate situation that is all too common. I also wanted to share the voice of a survivor and someone who experienced the struggle because so many people clutter the web with their opinion (myself included), but have not walked a day in the shoes of someone who is actively going through the situation. As an added bonus, it's not common to see open conversations between parents (abuser or abused) and their children. This is a stellar video by the Pixiwoo duo and their amazing mother for being to brave to share her story.

A divorce isn't your financial pay day

When I was going through my divorce a few years ago I remember sitting in the court room, one of the numerous solo trips I had to make back and forth to court, and seeing this one couple. They had 2 kids, 10 years of marriage and were in the final stages of the divorce process.

What struck me most about this couple was how casual and amicable everything was. They were smiling, working together, and really it seemed like all parities were in relatively good spirits. As the judge reached the verdict on their case (because everyone is in the same court room and everyone can hear your business lol), it was announced that they would share custody, there would be no alimony, no child support, and each would cover the expenses for the kids when they were in that person's care.

Mind you the kids were also in the court room with their parents and lawyers. After things were signed off on by the judge, the now ex's hugged and kept it moving. My mind was blown.

check out post

When Porsha Stewart's divorce outcome was announced in media a few days ago I smiled at the fact she was walking away nearly empty handed. 2 years of marriage, no kids, and enough fuckery and foolishness to last 2 seasons of RHOA... bye Felicia. I wrote a post on Eat.Pray.F-ck., but also felt the need to chime in with 2 additional points:
 
1) Divorce is not meant to be some massive pay day with you running off into the sunset holding all of the coins you can!

2) 2 years of marriage isn't enough time to derail your career and ambition leaving you feeling "entitled" to some sort of financial compensation.

Marriage is a choice. A beautiful choice... choosing to embark on a journey with someone for the rest of your life moving as one. Sometimes shit hits the fan and divorce is thrown on the table. It happens. I'm not arguing the validity of divorce, but merely stating that it's a reality. What divorce isn't intended to be is a major financial come up, time to show your ass, or become the captain of "Team Petty."

I'll probably film a Vlog about this topic since it's so close to my heart... and I can only type so many words without talking in circles lol. This is better suited for a vlog rant.

My question to you: What's your experience with divorce? and do you think people are "entitled" to anything in particular? Does the length of the marriage affect your decision?

Love, Cork, Screw Radio

Have you heard Love, Cork, Screw? For anyone that is a fan of the monthly 'The Tequila Tales' events, Love Cork Screw features Chrishon and Issac bringing their vibrant candor to the digital airwaves as they discuss Love, Wine, and Relationships. In episode 13 of the show (below) they ask the question: In a relationship, how do you know when it's over?



Personally, I have experienced what I would call 2 major break-ups -  - the first with my on again/off again college boyfriend, and the second with my ex-husband. Yes, I've dated other people, but these were probably the most impacting break-ups to date. While we all know that relationships can run the gamut of highs and lows, it's an odd experience to be aware of a relationship as it's dying in real time. So, how did I know it was over? Well, hindsight being 20/20, my college boyfriend and I were probably over the moment we moved in together lol. At the time, I would say that I knew it was really over when we were arguing all the time and got so petty as to fight over a 25 cent bag of chips. Yes, it was THAT petty.

As for my ex-husband - - I'd say I knew it was over when divorce was a real option. I always said that I'd never be the type of person to threaten someone with divorce in a marriage. I think that it's one of those words that should never be uttered..... and if you're throwing that on the table, then it's time to go. It might not be the best comparison, but almost like you don't pull out a gun unless you're prepared to shoot? I view divorce like that.... I don't even think of it as a final resort, in that sense it's not an option, but more of an ending. Anyways, that's another rant for another day.

Long story short, you should be listening to Love, Cork, Screw Radio! It's amazeballs and a great way to soak up an hour of your time. Listen while you're at work and visit their Facebook page to engage online!

Sidebar: If you're in the Chicago area, join Isaac and Chrishon (and Kacey lol) for The Tequila Tales at Red Kiva on Thursday, 8/22 for their next event! Doors open at 7p - - RSVP by clicking here.

You're Probably in a Toxic Relationship

Yesterday my friend Shari (owner of Bon Bon Vie - - go buy her dope shirts and read her blog) shared an amazing post on Facebook titled "6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal." 

I thought it was going to be a silly post with over exaggerated habits, but color me stunned that the list contained ACTUAL toxic habits that many deem annoying, but very normal and in most cases tolerable! As I read the list I felt horrified that I had experienced almost all of the toxic habits... either dishing it out or receiving it.

The article, written by Mark Manson, went on to describe the following 6 habits:

1. The Relationship Scorecard
2. Dropping "Hints" and other Passive-Aggression
3. Holding the Relationship Hostage
4. Blaming your Partner for your own Emotions
5. Displays of "Loving" Jealousy
6. Buying the Solutions to Relationship Problems.

Below is a short version of what was listed in the original post. I urge you to click here for the full post because it's a must-read! I think what surprised me most is that I struggle with some of these things on my own, independent of a romantic relationship. I think it's crucial to be aware of areas we need to grow in so we can work on ourselves, then work on our relationships. You really can't expect to struggle with a personality flaw in everyday life, and NOT have it surface to some extent in your relationships.

Do any of these toxic habits apply to you?


1. The Relationship Scorecard

What It Is: The “keeping score” phenomenon is when someone you’re dating continues to blame you for past mistakes you made in the relationship. If both people in the relationship do this it devolves into what I call “the relationship scorecard,” where it becomes a battle to see who has screwed up the most over the months or years, and therefore who owes the other one more.

Why It’s Toxic: The relationship scorecard develops over time because one or both people in a relationship use past wrongdoings in order to try and justify current righteousness. 

What You Should Do Instead: Deal with issues individually unless they are legitimately connected. If someone habitually cheats, then that’s obviously a recurring problem. But the fact that she embarrassed you in 2010 and now she got sad and ignored you today in 2013 have nothing to do with each other, so don’t bring it up.

You must recognize that by choosing to be with your significant other, you are choosing to be with all of their prior actions and behaviors. If you don’t accept those, then ultimately, you are not accepting them. If something bothered you that much a year ago, you should have dealt with it a year ago.

2. Dropping “Hints” and Other Passive-Aggression

What It Is: Instead of stating a desire or thought overtly, your partner tries to nudge you in the right direction of figuring it out yourself. Instead of saying what’s actually upsetting you, you find small and petty ways to piss your partner off so you’ll then feel justified in complaining to them.

Why It’s Toxic: Because it shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another. A person has no reason to be passive-aggressive if they feel safe expressing any anger or insecurity within the relationship. A person will never feel a need to drop “hints” if they feel like they won’t be judged or criticized for it.

What You Should Do Instead: State your feelings and desires openly. And make it clear that the other person is not necessarily responsible or obligated to them but that you’d love to have their support. If they love you, they’ll almost always be able to give it.

3. Holding the Relationship Hostage

What It Is: When one person has a simple criticism or complaint and blackmails the other person by threatening the commitment of the relationship as a whole. For instance, if someone feels like you’ve been cold to them, instead of saying, “I feel like you’re being cold sometimes,” they will say, “I can’t date someone who is cold to me all of the time.

Why It’s Toxic: It’s emotional blackmail and it creates tons of unnecessary drama. Every minor hiccup in the flow of the relationship results in a perceived commitment crisis. It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely to one another without it threatening the relationship itself. Otherwise people will suppress their true thoughts and feelings which leads to an environment of distrust and manipulation.

What You Should Do Instead: It’s fine to get upset at your partner or to not like something about them. That’s called being a normal human being. But understand that committing to a person and always liking a person are not the same thing. One can be committed to someone and not like everything about them. One can be eternally devoted to someone yet actually be annoyed or angered by their partner at times. On the contrary, two partners who are capable of communicating feedback and criticism towards one another only without judgment or blackmail will strengthen their commitment to one another in the long-run.

4. Blaming Your Partner For Your Own Emotions

What It Is: Let’s say you’re having a crappy day and your partner isn’t exactly being super sympathetic or supportive at the moment. They’ve been on the phone all day with some people from work. They got distracted when you hugged them. You want to lay around at home together and just watch a movie tonight, but they have plans to go out and see their friends.

So you lash out them for being so insensitive and callous toward you. You’ve been having a shitty day and they have done nothing about it. Sure, you never asked, but they should just know to make you feel better. They should have gotten off the phone and ditched their plans based on your lousy emotional state.

Why It’s Toxic: Blaming our partners for our emotions is a subtle form of selfishness, and a classic example of the poor maintenance of personal boundaries. When you set a precedent that your partner is responsible for how you feel at all times (and vice-versa), then will develop codependent tendencies. Suddenly, they’re not allowed to plan activities without checking with you first. All activities at home — even the mundane such as reading books or watching TV — must be negotiated and compromised. When someone begins to get upset, all personal desires go out the window because it is now your responsibility to make one another feel better.

What You Should Do Instead: Take responsibility for your own emotions and expect your partner to be responsible for theirs. There’s a subtle yet important difference between being supportive of your partner and being obligated to your partner. Any sacrifices should be made as an autonomous choice and not seen as an expectation. As soon as both people in a relationship become culpable for each other’s moods and downswings, it gives them both incentives to hide their true feelings and manipulate one another.

5. Displays of “Loving” Jealousy

What It Is: Getting pissed off when your partner talks, flirts, touches, calls, texts, hangs out, or sneezes in the general vicinity of another person and then you proceed to take that anger out on your partner and attempt to control their behavior. This often leads to insano behaviors such as hacking into your partner’s email account, looking through their text messages while they’re in the shower or even following them around town and showing up unannounced when they’re not expecting you.

Why It’s Toxic: It surprises me that some people describe this as some sort of display of affection. They figure that if their partner wasn’t jealous then that would somehow mean that they weren’t loved by them. This is absolutely clownshit crazy to me. It’s controlling and manipulative. It creates unnecessary drama and fighting. It transmits a message of a lack of trust in the other person. 

What You Should Do Instead: Trust your partner. It’s a radical idea, I know. Some jealousy is natural. But excessive jealousy and controlling behaviors towards your partner are signs of your own feelings of unworthiness and you should learn to deal with them and not force them onto those close to you. Because otherwise you are only going to eventually push that person away.

6. Buying the Solutions to Relationship Problems

What It Is: Any time a major conflict or issue comes up in the relationship, instead of solving it, one covers it up with the excitement and good feelings that come with buying something nice or going on a trip somewhere.

Why It’s Toxic: Not only does it brush the real problem under the rug (where it willalways re-emerge from even worse the next time), but it sets an unhealthy precedent within the relationship. 

What You Should Do Instead: Actually, you know, deal with the problem. Trust was broken? Talk about what it will take to rebuild it. Someone feels ignored or unappreciated? Talk about ways to restore those feelings of appreciation. Communicate!

Dustin Hoffman speaks on role in Tootsie

I was watching the news the other day and saw a video with Dustin Hoffman and it struck a chord with me. It's only 3 mins and worth taking a look  - - but Hoffman explains his approach to playing a female character in the movie "Tootsie" and how he had an epiphany during the film:

The first time Hoffman saw himself in the mirror in full makeup as his character Dorothy Michaels, he says, he was surprised.

"I was shocked that I wasn't more attractive," he admits. "I said, 'Now you have me looking like a woman, now make me beautiful.' I thought I should be beautiful if I was going to be a woman. I would want to be as beautiful as possible."

When the makeup team assured him that there was nothing else they could do to make him more "beautiful," Hoffman says he had an "epiphany" that shook him.

"It was at that moment I had an epiphany, and I went home and started crying," he says in the AFI interview, fighting back tears as he recounts his realization. "Talking to my wife, I said, 'I have to make this picture,' and she said, 'Why?' And I said, 'Because I think I am an interesting woman when I look at myself on screen. And I know that if I met myself at a party, I would never talk to that character because she doesn't fulfill physically the demands that we're brought up to think women have to have in order to ask them out.'"

"She says, 'What are you saying?'" he continues. "And I said, 'There's too many interesting woman I have … not had the experience to know in this life because I have been brainwashed.'" - US Magazine

BET Experience: Couples Revealed

Most people know Necole Bitchie, the gossip blogger, but I'm actually a huge fan of her personal blog, I Am Necole. She recently posted this video from the BET Experience with couples Salim & Mara Brock Akil, and Boris Kodjoe and Nicole Ari Parker.

This video is such a refreshing, candid discussion on relationships... and not just dating, but long term relationships. Salim and Mara Brock Akil have been married for 14 years with 2 kids, while Boris and Nicole have been married for 8 years and also have 2 kids.

Even if you don't have time to watch the video, I'd suggest playing it in the background while you work. Too often couples, especially in Hollywood, aren't honest or transparent about the real things that happen in relationships... even in our everyday friendships, we can put up some high walls and not have candid discussions.

I think this dialogue is awesome!

@TheTequilaTales: Are you Ready for a Relationship?

Join in for another lively discussion as The Tequila Tales hosts their April discussion topic: Are you Ready for a Relationship? This free event takes place Wednesday, April 10th @ 7pm at Red Kiva in the West Loop. You can RSVP by clicking the flyer below.

The room fills up fast, so be sure to get there early and grab your seat! I'll be venturing out for this one, so I'm looking forward to seeing everyone there. Don't be scared to chime in and keep the conversation going on twitter using the hash tag #TheTequilaTales.

RSVP by Clicking the Flyer

New Year, New Me: The Cloud of Divorce has Lifted (video)

I feel so incredibly blessed to be able to start this year off with ZERO baggage and in a truly balanced state of mind. I spent the entire year of 2012 going through a legal separation and divorce, and while it was one of the most difficult things I've ever experienced in my life, I feel better for having successfully weathered the storm. I've learned so many lessons about love, life and myself... but what is ringing most true and loudly for me right now is this:

New Year's Eve 2013

Your life and the current state of everything in it is a reflection of the choices you've made. It's up to you, and you alone, to create your own happiness. I believe God has a plan for all of us, but we're charged with making sure we wake up each day and are proactively taking steps towards getting closer to our dreams.

We should never be void of dreams and goals. Every moment we're blessed with breath we should spend it striving to fulfill something.

Yes, it's safe to say I'm on cloud 9 shitting sunshine and glitter. Life is short and when you've made it through something you never thought you could handle alone, it puts everything in perspective. Nobody ever said life was easy and each day you have to fight for what you want... but know that no matter what life is throwing your way, you can and WILL get through it. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, but nothing worth having will come easy. There will always be work and some level of sacrifice that must be made.

I don't want to sound preachy or stay on this rant for too long... but having my marriage fall apart and being faced with the reality that all of "our plans" were no longer going to happen was a tough pill to swallow.

No shit... this was draining, emotional, enraging, enlightening... it really shook me to my core and now that I've gotten past it I have so much clarity, happiness, joy, perspective... wisdom! Life throws you lemons and sometimes you have to say fuck that, I wanted La Croix lol. A total life force remix!

My close friends and parents were an amazing support system for me, but at the end of the day when I was left with my own thoughts I had to weather this storm alone. I feel like I fought for my happiness and peace of mind and there's nothing anyone can do to minimize this period in my life or how impacting it was. I know that I'm better for having this experience and hope to share joy and encouragement with others out there.

So yeah... I'm pretty much radiating happiness!! I know folks don't like happy people lol, so I at least wanted everyone to understand the source of my joy... and umm... this shit has been over a year in the making so please know that I have zero fucks to give for those that continue to live struggle lives with no intention of doing better.

Otherwise, Happy Freaking New Year!!!

Cuffing Season Update: Time is Ticking

Hola Chicagoans...

Cuff Season Shopping Trip

It's freaking cold outside and it's safe to say Cuffing Season is in full swing. This year has really flown by, so it's hard to believe we're in the midst of another Cuff Season, but whether you like it or not, snow will be here soon enough... so what's your current Cuff Status?

I'm currently invading the same life force, but have seen some great power cuff moves being played around me. For the most part my close friends are being about that Cuff Season life and have found quality boos for the season (... maybe more!), so I'm more worried about YOU, the people. Are you still auditioning folks? Try-outs over and you're narrowing it down to the final 1? (or two/three for you players... though that shit is exhausting).

Putting a spin on what can become a very routine thing, I've taken my Cuff Season antics to the streets. The weather is cold, but still enjoyable (no snow, arctic freeze lol) so the boo and I enjoyed a day of shopping (where I snagged these awesome Levi's Demi Curve ID Jeans) and brunch at Waffles.

Waffles Brunch: Chicken & Waffles, Steak & Eggs

I'm all about brunch in the South Loop. Nothing beats waking up and being in walking distance of amazing food options. Plus you get to support local businesses. So far, Waffles is still one of my preferred spots, Tapas Valencia has great Sunday drinks specials, Eleven City Diner lures me in with their Bloody Marys, and Yolk is an oldie but goodie.

Cuffing Season 2012: Are you ready?

The cool tinge in the air is a clear sign Cuffing Season 2012 is upon us. It feels like it was just yesterday everyone was securing their Fall/Winter 2011 Cuff, but a new season is here and it's time to play ball!

While some people are quick to hold onto hopes and dreams of summer heat, others are using this nice transitional period to scour their list of summer dips...see who has real Fall/Winter cuff potential. Some people are good for fun in the sun, while others are prime for being nestled up during the cold months.

It's always "Cuff Season" in the land of Ishea

It's best to treat October and November as an audition period. The weather is warm enough to be social and out in these streets, yet cool enough to bring more activities indoors. You have 2 months to see if someone irks your "inside the house" life force and are best left to rooftops and sunshine... OR if they can light up your life when the skies are cold and gray.

In my world it's always cuff season! I'm a creature of comfort and like to have consistency and stability in my life. I set out to find the "Ultimate Cuff" - - the magical individual that works all seasons, rain or shine... not just someone to keep me warm November - February. I'm actually happiest not playing the dating game which can sometimes feel like Russian Roulette lol. As evidence in the picture to the right, I'm currently a happy camper!

Domestic Violence and Reality TV: The Court of Public Opinion

A while ago I grew increasingly tired of Reality Trash TV. Between VH1 and Bravo, it seemed like I couldn't go 15 mins without seeing women acting crazy, fighting, yelling, and making fools of themselves for the sake of a reality check. I decided to put down the remote and stop watching. I didn't want to sit around complaining about the way they were representing women (black women in particular), yet continue to watch - - so I stopped watching.

Everyone knows Evelyn Lozado from VH1's "Basketball Wives" series and can attest to her feisty, immature nature... always ready to curse someone out or go up someone's head... with her hand or a bottle. It's a mess. When she made news for getting involved in a domestic dispute with NFL husband Chad Johnson folks were surprisingly (or maybe not so surprisingly) jumping to his defense and painting her as the bad person. Now, nobody was in the car so who knows how things actually went down... and in all honesty, who cares! She has a 3 inch gash on her forehead. Period.

What I care more about is her recently issued statement regarding domestic violence and wanting to take a stand against it... be the voice of women. I think that's all great, but how about taking a stand against violence in general. Don't be the chick that's ready to crack a chick's head open, then cry victim when your man cracks yours open. Violence really is violence. Keep your hands to yourself and treat people the way you want to be treated.

I found this ESPN coverage of the incident refreshing and I liked their stance. It's nice to hear real opinions and not the overly constructed, typical coverage most news organizations present. Violence and domestic violence is a very sensitive subject, but I'm curious to know everyone's thoughts on this.

The force is strong...

... but sometimes you have to sit back and let Marvin speak for you.

Hoe into a Housewife?

Yesterday I posted about Karrine Steffans' twitter rant re: her husband, marriage, and overall feeling of frustration with his lack of, well... everything. It sparked an interesting conversation with one of my male friends who was shocked I could find anything entertainment, enjoyable, or redeeming in Steffans.

From his standpoint,  "You don't put your husband out there like that. Period. You don't allow the whole industry to run through you and be filmed and then try to get married to someone you know is not you. It's some hoe shit and all I'm seeing is 'I'm used to being a hoe and you no longer do it for me'." 


While I did agree that it was quite sloppy to air one's dirty laundry in such a public way, I have to say that everything she said was quite relatable for most women. Women have the innate ability to bite our tongues while giving someone a verbal lashing like none other.

On another note, I think her twitter rant was actually related to her latest book she's about to release, and NOT spazzing out on her husband.

@KarrineandCo - - every woman's hero....

Everyone knows her better as Super Head, but let's be real - - Karrine Steffans has far surpassed her original come up into the game. She's a NY Times best selling author and someone whose blatant honesty and candor I've always enjoyed. Love her or hate her, she's interesting and I'm all about interesting people.

Today (read: moments ago) I stumbled across the NecoleBitchie post showing Karrine's late night twitter rant against her husband. All I can say is wow!!! Every woman has felt the way she's felt as one time or another... and if you haven't? Consider it in your future. Seriously. I don't necessarily agree with airing dirty laundry (I'm more the type to throw it in the wash at my own place lol...), but I can appreciate the trainwreck that is her marriage and the self-esteem her husband is sure to be scraping off the floor. Does this woman know how to reduce a man to nothingness or what! Not sure if it's a quality skill to have, but the shit is hilarious!!

Karrine's Twitter Rant:

Sometimes, in relationships, the pleasure is all theirs. Alone, I am a superhero. With you, I am a mere mortal. You deplete me. I’m tired of being your upgrade. We are not equally yoked. You really deserve someone more basic. I’m tired of pretending your mediocracy is okay with me. I’m tired of pretending I don’t miss G650′s. I’m tied of pretending you’re not a burden.I’m tired of pretending I don’t deserve a f-cking BOSS! I’m tired of you driving my car. Stop telling me you love me as if you’re doing me some sort of favor. I don’t need you to love me. I love me. I’m tired of pretending like you shouldn’t be intimidated by the other men in my life. Cuz you should. I’m tired of pretending as if I support your bullshit dreams. I’m tired of pretending your d-ck isn’t the smallest d-ck I’ve ever seen in my life. Cuz it is. I’m tired of pretending your favorite rapper didn’t just beat it up on Friday. I’m tired of paying for everything.

I’m tired of you taking all this sh-t for granted as if you ever deserved any of it. Give me my Mac back. For real tho. I’m tired of washing your wack ass clothes. I hate your whole face. I’m tired of acting like the sex is good.I hate when you roll all the way over onto my side of the bed to hold me. I’m over here for a reason. Did I mention I’m tired of paying for everything? Okay.I’m tired of giving you the game.I’m tired of pretending you’re anything more than a bum. I should’ve just hired you as a cook and kept it moving. I’m tired of congratulating you for accomplishing minuscule sh-t. I’m tired of you begging.

I’m tired of moaning when I can’t feel anything!I’m tired of having to think about someone else to get off. I’m tired of having to lock my phone when you’re around.I’m tired of taking showers with you. Can I get a moment! Damn! Yes. He’s better than you. Next question. All night. ‘Til 6 in the morning. Next question.Yes. And I didn’t have to pay for none of it. Next question. Presidential suite. Next question. About 10 inches. Next question.69. Next question. Like a boss. Next question. Balls deep. Next question. I’m tired of having to pretend you’re not the 3rd worst decision I’ve ever made.You should really be with that one chick who bagged our groceries this weekend. That’s more your speed.

So, why do I call her every woman's hero? Well, I can personally attest to having felt some of the same feelings and wishing I had the balls to put someone on blast. I'm not that messy... but don't we all wish we had a messy friend whose ratchet ways and loose lips we could vicariously live through? Come to think of it, I'm sure I fill that spot for a few of my friends lol... but when you're that friend who do you look to? Look no further than Karrine!

The last time I put a relationship on blast was back in 2009 when my then boyfriend had failed to ever get the electricity at our condo put into his name. Very mild in comparison, but I received an earful for those posts.

So, blogging family - - when is the last time you put someone on relationship front street?

Single + Kids = Damaged Goods?

Growing up I always had 3 deal breakers for a man and potential relationship: Smokers, Kids, and Rappers. Why, you may ask? First I loathe cigarette smoke and could never love someone that's smoking squares all day. Hell no. Kids? I always had a dream of meeting someone, falling in love, and having kids together for the first time. I convinced myself that if I was with a man who previously had kids from another relationship somehow our children would be "less special" since it wasn't the first time, not to mention the potential of "baby mama drama"... and Rappers? Well, I'm definitely the chick that will push my man to reach for his dreams, but I can't do the struggling rapper thing. I will not peddle your mix tape. I don't want to drag my friends to your concerts.. I just don't want to listen to you spit "hot fiyah" on the 1s and 2s.

Last night I came across a video by one of my favorite YouTubers, Taren916, and she was speaking about a forum topic that hit close to home for her: Are single mothers damaged goods? My first reaction to this was "of course not," but it made me think back to how I used to hold onto the idea that men with multiple kids were, in a way, damaged goods to me.

Oftentimes we accept the fact that men can have multiple children by multiple women and this is okay. They're just "being men"... leaving women in the same position being deemed ratchet and a slew of other terms that flex that annoying double standard muscle. In fact, the older I get the more I realize that life really "does happen" and people find themselves in various situations. I don't think anyone ever intends to be a baby mama or baby daddy. Most people don't want to bring children into the world in an unstable environment, nor do people want to tackle parenting alone... but if you find yourself in that situation it doesn't make you less than or damaged goods.

So, my question to the blogosphere: Do you feel single parents (men and women) with multiple children are damaged goods? Would you date someone that had children? Should a divorced person with children be held in a higher standing than someone that was never married, yet has multiple children?

What's your number?

Numbers, numbers, numbers... they're so much fun when you're fantasizing about winning the lottery or how many pairs of shoes you'd like to own - - but when someone asks you the number of people you've slept with, it can stop you in your tracks.

I don't know if it's due to being caught off guard, embarrassment, or a mixture of both... but whenever I've been asked my number of sexual partners it makes me feel a certain way.

I'm not a liar by nature so my first inclination is to tell the truth, but depending on who I'm speaking with I can definitely hesitate and rethink answering this question altogether. If your number is higher than theirs it can make for an awkward situation. If your number is too low then a man will usually assume you're full of shit and multiply that by 3. As a woman that's a few years shy of 30 (and it sounds crazy as hell to actually see that being typed in front of my eyes lol), I realize that by the age of 30 most people have lived a lot of life, ran through some folks, had their fair share of relationships, one night "one and dones," and potentially racked up a nice list of names. Still, I try to reserve judgment because while sexual health and conversations are important, I don't think a person can be reduced to a single number of people they've been intimate with. On top of that, I just don't believe anyone truly wants to know the answer to this question when being asked.


So, when it comes to a new person in your life do you think it's better to be honest and throw your real number out there or keep that under wraps?

That's in the past...

Recently I was speaking with a friend who in short said he feared making mistakes in life. It caused me to wonder how someone could get through life without making any mistakes... I mean, weren't mistakes truly life experiences all leading us down a path of growing into the person we currently are today?

Overall the concept of one's past is an interesting thing. It can be riddled with a slew of mistakes, successes, shortcomings, bad decisions, regrets, highs, and lows... but as it pertains to a new relationship how much of the past is truly in the past.

The older I get the more I realize that being judgmental is for the birds and "mistakes" are made every day. I don't believe that poor choices define a person, nor are you the sum total of a few choices you've made. There is no time like the present and in reality you can spin anything to be bad or good - - it's all about your outlook My mom has told me many times that I missed my calling as a lawyer. My tarot lady (yes, I have one of those lol) told me that my tongues is like a double edged sword and very powerful. I'd have to agree with both of them... however, I think I choose to view life from an open-minded standpoint, well aware that "shit happens" and you have to keep it moving. I'm never short of an opinion, but I try to refrain from judging based on someone's past.

I value the person standing in front of me today. If you're exuding an energy that I love and presenting to me a person that is worthy of friendship, trust, love, and time why withhold mutual feelings based on your past? I mean, isn't your past responsible for shaping you into the person that I enjoy so much? In my eyes it is.

Now, don't get me wrong... I'm very well aware of the fact some pills are harder to swallow than others, but when you are in a new (or old) relationship how much of your past do you choose to share? And how much of someones past can be shared with you without forming judgments?