Feb 28, 2012

Single + Kids = Damaged Goods?

Growing up I always had 3 deal breakers for a man and potential relationship: Smokers, Kids, and Rappers. Why, you may ask? First I loathe cigarette smoke and could never love someone that's smoking squares all day. Hell no. Kids? I always had a dream of meeting someone, falling in love, and having kids together for the first time. I convinced myself that if I was with a man who previously had kids from another relationship somehow our children would be "less special" since it wasn't the first time, not to mention the potential of "baby mama drama"... and Rappers? Well, I'm definitely the chick that will push my man to reach for his dreams, but I can't do the struggling rapper thing. I will not peddle your mix tape. I don't want to drag my friends to your concerts.. I just don't want to listen to you spit "hot fiyah" on the 1s and 2s.

Last night I came across a video by one of my favorite YouTubers, Taren916, and she was speaking about a forum topic that hit close to home for her: Are single mothers damaged goods? My first reaction to this was "of course not," but it made me think back to how I used to hold onto the idea that men with multiple kids were, in a way, damaged goods to me.

Oftentimes we accept the fact that men can have multiple children by multiple women and this is okay. They're just "being men"... leaving women in the same position being deemed ratchet and a slew of other terms that flex that annoying double standard muscle. In fact, the older I get the more I realize that life really "does happen" and people find themselves in various situations. I don't think anyone ever intends to be a baby mama or baby daddy. Most people don't want to bring children into the world in an unstable environment, nor do people want to tackle parenting alone... but if you find yourself in that situation it doesn't make you less than or damaged goods.

So, my question to the blogosphere: Do you feel single parents (men and women) with multiple children are damaged goods? Would you date someone that had children? Should a divorced person with children be held in a higher standing than someone that was never married, yet has multiple children?




3 comments:

Gorgeous_Puddin said...

This is the second person that I've heard say that some of their content was taken and discussed on a forum. How rude is that? People need to seriously get lives!

That said, I have had some of the same reservations in the past about men with children, until I met one that was cool. I think now from my experience I can say it should be examined on a case by case basis. There are some good men out there who are good fathers and good providers. Sh*t happens! We all need to operate from a less judgmental standpoint.

Oh and the phrase "damaged goods" is just so derogatory. Folks should be careful how they throw that around! Judge not lest ye be judged.

ShellyShell said...

Coming out of lurkdom. I think I commented one time before. I had to comment on this since this is the second blog I read about this topic today. The older I get the more I think I MAY have to contend with a child. So far I've done pretty well without dating men with children. But as a woman over the age of 35 I MIGHT have to deal with a man with a child. I do have several male friends who are my age who absolutely REFUSE to date a woman with children. I have one that one date women who don't work out...lol(that's another story). For me it will be a case by case decision. If I dated a divorced man and he had A CHILD. I probably would say "ohh he was married." Who knows but I don't think I could date a dude that had multiple children. Even if it was with the same mother. Probably not going to happen with the kid...sorry! Here's the link to the post that I read earlier with a similar topic.

http://ashy2classy.net/2012/02/29/some-truths-that-women-dont-want-to-hear/

AfreshMusic said...

Personally I prefer dating women without kids but that's not a deal breaker.

Women with kids are not damaged goods. I know some great single mothers.

I would rather date a single mother with a degree than the single woman without one. I guess we all have our list.

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