Jun 23, 2009

Adventures on the CTA - Blue Line Edition

I've been MIA from the blog world lately due to moving and my lack of internet access at home. I've said bye to the glitz and glam of the South Loop and find myself back in my old stomping ground. Along with my move has come the joy of taking the train instead of the bus. I was slightly skeptical as to whether the blue line would be able to provide me with material like the Michigan Ave buses did....but after a few rides my nerves were put to rest and I was blessed with priceless material to report.

1. The blue line seems to be in a constant state of smelling like piss. I guess bums pay their toll and ride up and down all day/night long but pissing on the cars and at the stops is not the business. I have to say that the bus never smelled as bad as the train. Bus 1 Train 0.

2. On the bus I never experienced many bums asking for change. The blue line has taken begging to a whole new level. While on my way home I noticed a guy making his way from car to car giving a PSA of sorts - - "Excuse me ladies and gentlemen. I'm very hungry and haven't eaten in 2 days. Does anyone have change? Anyone? Anyone? Nickels, Dimes... pennies? Anyone?" Now, being hungry isn't a good feeling but seriously dude, you're going to need to up your begging skills. Aim higher... why not ask for dollars and quarters! lol...

3. Hood conversations are definitely different on the train. I'm used to ghetto ass girls, but the blue line has grown ass men getting crunk on their cells. Here's a snippet of a conversation I heard yesterday:
"Nigga all my nieces and nephews...it ain't nothin fo me to be out South. Nigga I know what the fuck she doing...I can't get in the middle of that. If I told yo mothafuckin ass once, I told yo mothafuckin ass twice. Nigga you need to stay there and ignore her petty ass shit. Stay there and take care of yo kids. You know what our daddy said, if you man enough to make em then be man enough to take care of em. Bruh man, if you ain't happy then move the fuck on. You know I had the best woman in my life and I walked away from her and my 15 kids...the worst thing I ever did."

I felt like a damn court stenographer trying to capture every word this dude was saying. He was out of control and out of order - - definitely set our people back a few years with his ignorant ass conversation.

4. I've noticed way too many black men with huge neck tats (like "FACE MOB") and wearing their do-rags on the train. Damn, can't you get your wave game up to par at home?

5. I've seen signs that say "No shoes, no shirt, no service" but I guess this doesn't apply to the blue line. I witnessed this Matthew McConaughey wanna-be going for the LA Surfer dude look and ditching his shirt. I will say that his body was on point so he didn't hurt my sight...but still, put some clothes on.

Some pros of the train:

- less children and more professionals
- not as crowded
- the a/c helps to keep my hair from looking like a hot sweated out mess

Sidebar: I should have internet as of next week so I'll be back to posting regularly

Jun 19, 2009

America's Next Top...Lady Hennessy?

For anyone that cares, America's Next Top Model Toccara will be making her way around Chicago liquor stores this weekend for her Lady Hennessy promo tour. Locations include:

Friday, June 19
3:30 to 4:30 pm @ Belmonte (5000 W. Chicago Avenue)
5:15 to 6:15 pm @ Belmonte (423 N. Laramie)
7 to 9 pm @ Lake & Cicero (356 N. Cicero)

Saturday, June 20
3:30 to 4:30 pm @ Kimbark Liquors (1214 E. 53rd St.)
5:30 to 6:30 @ M&A Food and Liquor (6257 S. Ashland)
7:15 to 8:15 pm @ I&S Liquor (1035 W. 63rd St.)
9 to 11 pm @ Eve's (202 W. 144th St.)

Jun 10, 2009

Parking Wars

I have a love/hate relationship with the Chicago Police Department...primarily the ticket happy cops in District 1. One side of the street will be permit only...the other side 4 hr parking from 8a-6p, then another side has street cleaning from 9a-3p...and all sides are fucked on game days or soldier field events 2 hours before and 1 hour after (which you hardly EVER know are going on until you look out of your window and notice the cluster fuck of people parking and realize you already have a ticket on your car....Do I sound slightly bitter?? lol) Nevertheless, I was walking to the bus stop the other day and got to see the District 1 cops doing what they do best - - zooming around on their 4-wheelers and writing tickets! Is anyone else a part of the Chicago Parking Ticket club? Here's my contribution...

Jun 9, 2009

Follow-Up : First Fridays Midnight Boat Cruise

Friday night I had the pleasure of paying weeks in advance for a "VIP" ticket and not wanting to waste $55.60 so I basically HAD to go attending the First Fridays boat cruise. Determined to not be left feeling salty on the deck, waving as the boat pulled off we arrived at 1030p - - right on time for the VIP check-in. I was worried that we wouldn't find the check-in table until we spotted the sea, or should I say large blob, of unorganized black folks standing around. I eyed some men standing in the front behind the tables and approached them to figure out where the VIP check-in was. I didn't pay extra money to stand behind Boomsheika as she destroyed her french fries and bitched and moaned to her friends.

"Excuse me, are you all with the event?" I asked not wanting to assume that someone was on the clock if they weren't...

I was met with 3 blank stares. Had I stuttered? I tried shooting them a smile, not to be friendly but more so to mask my confusion as how utterly slow these guys must be.

"What can I help you with?" one of them had finally spoke up after the 3 exchanged a few chuckles.

I was confused. Should I not be asking the guys that were clearly standing BEHIND the fucking ticket table for directions? I'm sorry... answer my fucking question or kick a pile of rocks. If you wanna stunt on someone please do so from beside the bar or in your own VIP section...

"Do you know where the VIP check-in is? Or is this it?" I asked referring to the cluster fuck of people standing behind me...

"There's only 1 check-in" the guy answered managing to continue shooting his blank stare my way.


This was the first sign that things were going to be downhill. I don't like false advertisement and I don't like people using the excuse that "all promoters do it". When buying the ticket is clearly stated that the VIP check-in would not only be separate but at 1030p, 30 mins before the general public was allowed to check-in.

My girl and I made our way back to the line and began scanning the crowd.

"I think we're the youngest ones here" she said...

Looking around the crowd I had to agree. I was so confused. The May event had featured a great mix of 25-35yo professionals, tons of men, great music and an awesome location - - The Hotel Sax. The boat cruise was nothing like that. On average people were 35-50 and amid the horrendous men wearing suits from the Steve Harvey Collection and throngs of hood chicks and their ghetto ass friends, the excitement for the boat cruise was completely deflated.

Now when my girlfriend discovered that there actually WAS a VIP check-in and we were able to switch lines and get instant service things were starting to look up... but my 2 long islands weren't able to help me thru the 1.5 hr wait to board the boat. At midnight we finally began boarding and I was thrilled but that didn't last long. Turns out the entire night was a sham. The Don Julio and Ciroc hosted cocktails in the VIP that was advertised were wack!!!!!! These are the "drinks" that we received...and in case you can't tell how small they were I used my finger and blackberry to show their actual size. Imagine taking a shot of Nyquil and that was about it.

Next up on my shit list were the hors d'oeuvres that they advertised having. I've never seen Texas toast with shredded cheese thrown on top and actually served. To say it was a disappointment would be a gross understatement.

Now let me tell you that it couldn't get much more bootleg than this - - the "comedy show" consisted of a guy grabbing a mic and saying about 5 mins worth of material while DJ Mark Fuller set up his equipment. Even the 6 shots of patron I had did not make me forget that I had paid for a real "comedy show" and "hosted bar".

The "comedy show"

Besides the "comedy show" being non-existent (it's really hard to not continuously put quotes around comedy show lol) I must reiterate how much I was NOT feeling the crowd on the boat. I mean, some people were so excited I wanted to clarify to them that this didn't count as a REAL cruise. We were only going around Lake Michigan, not somewhere tropical like an island or Mexico...so simmer down, please. I think of myself as an authentic bourgeoisie but down to earth female so I can "hang" but I was totally out of my element...even the 8 drinks I had could barely get me thru the night. lol... While I'm sure a lot of people had a wonderful time on the boat I was not one of them (nor were my 2 girlfriends that went...)

I don't like hood operations and it's clear that I didn't have the time of my life (year, month or week) on that boat. The false advertisement in regards to the comedy show and VIP Don Julio & Ciroc hosted bar, in addition to the lackluster crowd, made me feel like it was $55.60 and 4.5 hrs of my life that I'll never get back. However, I will say that the boat itself was nice and I would recommend going for one of their lunch/dinner cruises.

I will never do another boat cruise in Chicago. Unless it's a more selective event or personal yacht (which I'm all about yachts) I'll take a big PASS.

Hood ass things that happened:

1. While standing in line some lady claiming to be a teacher (really an "attendance coordinator" and "freshman liaison") saw a group of her students (who she claimed hadn't been in school that day). She joked with the boys that they should "get their asses home" and the responded by trying to snap pics of her "dressed up " with their camera phone. *sigh*

2. 2 women pulled bags of flaming hots out of their purse and proceeded to eat them. I just wondered where they wiped their hands.


1. The "comedian" making fun of how small the drinks were was actually funny. He had 5 mins worth of material but he made me let out a few chuckles. Plus, hearing him say "kick rocks" in a legitimate sentence won him some points in my book.

2. Learning more about the Odyssey Ship, its crew and captain... as well as trying to make up a name for having sex while out at sea with some of the crew lol.

3. The music was good throughout the entire boat.

4. The views of the skyline

Jun 6, 2009

Creating your summer "dream team"

With the summer nearly here I think everyone needs to be focused on putting together their "Dream Team". This was originally written and posted by comedian Erica Watson on her blog Tired of Being a Pretty Fat Chick. Every woman needs to read this and think about how she's going to get her summer squad together.

Dream Team: Every Single Girl Needs One

Have you ever had a friend that is always single, she ain't never in a relationship, but for some reason her lonely, bitter ass can always come and tell you how to run yours? Well, I am that Bitch! But the thing is, I GIVE GREAT ADVICE. Why? Because I am Every Guy's Best Friend. I wrote in a previous post called "Fat Girl's Are A Man's Best Friend" that after years of being cool with every guy on the planet, I have been given the pleasure of learning the inner-workings of men. See, many women only interact with men they have intimate relationships with, or men they want to have an intimate relationship with in the future. Most of my girls do not have the advantage of having a strictly platonic best male friend. Well, I have too many of them. Maybe it's because my weight has allowed a great deal of men to love me without being attracted to me (so they said), or maybe it's because I am just a cool ass chick. Nevertheless I am so happy that I KNOW men. In all honestly, men are really not that complicated.

Give Him Love, Loyalty & Respect
Give Him Head & Amazing Sex
Give Him A Great Meal
Give Him Space

See.... that's easy, right? WRONG! The hardest part for many women is the idea of "space". But this could easily be corrected if women took the time and made space for more than one man in their life.I've recently come to a startling conclusion. Most women DO NOT know how to date! Especially black women. Now, before you get an attitude, hear me out.

So many women meet a guy, like him, have sex with him (too soon) then a month later ask him "where is this going?" They get caught up into one guy without really taking the time to explore all of their options. There are so many beautiful men in the world (and ugly ones with money). Why do so many women LIMIT themselves to One Guy? It's cool to want a serious, committed, monogamous relationship. Ultimately I want one of those too. But in the meantime, why not have FUN with a bunch of different guys? What is so wrong with dating multiple men? In my opinion, all SINGLE women should be dating at least 5 guys at a time. Its does not matter if you are beautiful, ugly, short, fat, skinny, tall. All women are sexy to SOMEBODY! Now, find 4 more and you are on your way!

Let's be clear...I said DATE! I do not mean go out and start sleeping with 5 different guys (only a hoe like me can pull that off). In my opinion, dating is when two people spend time together, doing a range of activities that allow them to get to know each other over a period of time--possibly to begin a romantic relationship. It is clear that you two may want to be more than friends, so you DATE to see if you want to make that happen.

The NBA FINALS have inspired me! This summer I am putting together my DREAM TEAM. Every single girl needs one! Personally, I am putting together a Championship Team...a wonderful group of 5 men that will occupy my time! A Championship team has players that know their individual roles and do their jobs without trying to do other people's jobs. As the coach it is my responsibility to make sure that these guys understand their purpose. Phil Jackson has won 9 championships, and I have learned a lot from him over the years. Below is my STARTING FIVE. It's up to each woman to put her own team together.

Small Forward---------------------
The Corporate Dude
NBA Inspiration: LaBron James

For my Franchise Player, I have chosen a white collar, "corporate dude" to be my small forward. He is an all around player. He can score, he can pass, and he can rebound. Out of all of the men I am dating, his resume is the most impressive. The thing is, he is in high demand. He's young, black, successful, extremely attractive, well educated, and cultured----the perfect guy to build my team around. Unfortunately, he is aware that he is a "good catch" and will use it to his advantage. Like most Franchise players, my "corporate dude" knows his value. He is a "prima-dona" and will most certainly demand a good contract on the open market. It is also hard to re-sign him when he becomes a free agent. A franchise player has the confidence that he will probably not be traded or released, which can make dating him difficult. But, as long as he is aware that there is always a new young recruit coming to take his spot, he should be cool. Also, I will make sure that I am HIS Franchise player on the team that he is building, because trust me, his has one.

Shooting Guard-----------------------
Young Tender
NBA Inspiration: Dewayne Wade, Kobe Bryant, Allen Iverson

He shoots. He scores. He's Young & Tender. Call me a Cougar, Call me a Puma, call me whatever you want ---but ALL single women should have a younger man on the team. He Shoots: Young Tender is fun, he's exciting, he's baggage free and he is not intimidated by your success. He Scores: The Sex with Young Tender is amazing, and what he does not know, he is more than willing to learn. There's no waiting for him to get it back up....it's on multiple times in one night! And another plus is that he can keep you occupied sexually so that you are not tempted to give it up to other members on the team too fast.

Sugar Daddy
NBA Inspiration: Joakim Noah

When it comes to basketball, you can't coach height...which means we all know that the only reason why some guys get in the league is because they are tall as hell. Same for the Sugar Daddy---you mess with him for one reason only..he has money and loves to spend it. As the Center, a Sugar Daddy is low maintenance....you do not have to run plays for him or give him the ball too much. But he will rebound, contribute by playing defense and getting the hustle points and second chance points. If a bill needs to be paid, or my car needs new tires, Sugar Daddy will come to the rescue. I would never ask him to shoot any "free throws' but yes to a jump ball! My Sugar Daddy is the foundation and anchor for the team. He keeps me financially happy!

Power Forward---------------------
The Blue Collar Dude aka The Basic N*gga
NBA Inspiration: Kevin Garnett

He is a hard hat/lunch bucket kind of guy. He comes to work everyday, gives you a solid effort---he is going to put in the work and not complain. The Blue Collar guy gets rebounds, he plays defense....not flashy... just an all around working guy. I love this guy because he is also great for things that I call "man jobs". He takes out the garbage, he fixes things around the house, takes you car in to get service, screams on you if you do not get an oil change. He's a real man! He works so hard that you love to cook him an amazing meal. Now, a Fed-Ex guy is great for this position, but this summer I will go for a police officer. Every single chick should have a police officer in her city that she can call anytime she needs to be "served and protected!". Many of you may even chose this guy to be your Franchise Player, because he is sure to retire with a pension and good benefits. But sometimes this guy is not as "culturally" aware as the corporate dude, therefore I will keep him as a back-up plan. Also for clarification, if a guy does not have a checking account and prefers to go to the "check cashing place", he then becomes a Basic N*gga!

Point Guard-----------------------
Intellectual Thug
NBA Inspiration: Derrick Rose (First Draft Pick & Rookie of the Year)

I love Smart Men. I also love Thugs. It's hard to find a guy with a perfect mix, but when I do, he will be my Point Guard. Ultimately I want to settle down with a guy that can run a boardroom as well as navigate the streets. The Point Guard is my main focus and out of all the guys, has the most potential to become my boyfriend. His job is to set the tempo for the game, bring the ball up the floor, get other players involved, distribute the ball and get scoring opportunities for the team. Sometimes he scores, but no matter what he must keep the ball safe and not turn it over. He must totally understand his coach's game plan. Seeing that Point guards are usually evaluated more on their assists ,than on their individual scoring-----if he can not get the job done his behavior will get the ball to the teammate who is in the best position to score. At the same time, if he plays well, in the long run there will be no need for a team because I will settle down with him, but until then, let the games begin!

Now we can't forget about the bench!

6th Man-------------------
Street Hustler or "Hood Rat with a Big D*ck" (yes, men are rats too)
NBA Inspiration: Steve Kerr

This guy is a one trick Pony. His role is to come off the bench when you need to change the game and score in a hurry. You can not count on him for anything else but to do what he does.

7th Man---------------------
White Guy
NBA Inspiration: Tim Duncan

He's a solid hall of fame type player and has all the skills and abilities. Unfortunately, people do not like him or enjoy watching him play because he is so basic and fundamental----that he is a boring!

Jun 4, 2009

Follow-Up : My Black is Beautiful Tour

I previously blogged about and was looking forward to attending the 2009 My Black is Beautiful Tour sponsored by Proctor & Gamble. I registered for the event and when Saturday morning came I was excited to see what all they had in store for us attendees. Forever the prompt and on time friend, Jenna beat the rest of there and acted as our "eyes and ears", divulging precious information. So, some people have been wondering how things went and I want to be blunt about it:

1. The lines were insanely long. I'm talking about lines being wrapped AROUND the block... only to reveal another freaking line!! Flats were a must as people braved standing in lines for over 2 hrs to get to the front (to make matters worse it was raining off and on).

2. After waiting in lines for that long, at the door some people were told that if they hadn't registered for the event they would not be allowed entry. *crickets* The event website closed the registration after a certain point but informed people that they could still attend the event.

3. Despite having the event be advertised from 11a - 7p, by 1230p things were still not set up nor were the speakers even there yet. On top of that, the venue was small and could not comfortably hold the amount of people that showed up.

I know that people like free anything... but I think that they should have charged for this event. Even if it was only $10, that fee alone would have reduced the crowd. On the flip side I do agree with what the people at Proctor & Gamble were hoping to achieve... but if they are going to make an event of this magnitude free to the public, to reduce the chances of having a cluster fuck / free for all, they need to open registration to a certain amount and once that number is reached close it off.

The overall attitude and vibe I received from the event that it was a slight hood operation and waste of time.

**I was actually contacted by someone from the PR company handling the event and gave my suggestions. I'm hoping that they step things up for next year.**

Jun 3, 2009

Be Radiant

Recently I had the pleasure of attending an event hosted by The Fabulous Giver where we received products from Johnson and Johnson's new line - Be Radiant Cocoa & Shea Butter. I was beyond thrilled to try out the lotion and body wash and put their promise of helping to "visibly even skin tone and texture" to the test.

After a few weeks of using the products religiously I am happy to report that not only do I see the difference but I can FEEL it too! It isn't often that a product blows me away but this one has. My skin feels silkier and it's crazy that the regular use of body wash/lotion could make the change!

After one use I turned my friend and fellow blogger The Ladybug Files onto the product (she actually told me she found it in Target last night). It's tough to find a lotion that not only moisturizes effectively without leaving you feeling greasy, has a pleasant scent and improves the quality of your skin. Rush out and add this lotion/body wash to your daily routine! It works wonders...

Extreme V-Necks

The growing trend of extreme male v-neck shirts is one that is killing me softly. I feel like overnight guys went from crew cuts to plunging necklines, often showcasing their not so stellar physique, sometimes nappy chest hair, or ken doll pecs.

Now, there are people like Tyson Beckford that get a pass, I mean - the man is gorgeous and I personally don't mind almost seeing his belly button with that ridiculously low v-neck shirt... but for others (*cough* Evan Ross *cough*) please save my eyesight and raise your neckline up a bit. Really though, where did this trend come from and why are guys so quick to jump on board? Do you feel sexy with your nipples almost exposed? Do you like showcasing your chest for the world to see?

I must say that I haven't seen too many brothers in Chicago rocking this style and thank God for that. It has an unusually high "suspect" level that will get associated with you if you dare to dip your collar that low.

The white guys I've seen rocking them as of late have a certain "douche bag" essence about their persona... Like, their v-necks are hanging low and they're the shit (times 2) and you can't tell them anything! lol... I was tempted to take a pic of this group of guys I saw yesterday but they looked like a bunch of "MTV True Life - I have a Jersey Shore house" rejects so I kept it moving.

All jokes aside, regardless of your race - - if you're a man please say no to this "trend". Let's leave the plunging necklines to us ladies because we've been rocking cleavage since the beginning of time and know what we're doing.

Jun 2, 2009

Electrik Red

The brain child of producer The-Dream (and Tricky Stewart), Electrik Red is the latest female group out on the scene. Compromised of former dancers and friends Naomi Allen, Sarah Rosete, Binkie Reevey and Leslie Lewis, these 4 have been involved in the entertainment industry for years... most recently as backup dancers for Mariah Carey, Usher and Ciara. Finally able to break out on their own, their debut album "How to be a Lady, Volume 1" features a funky mix of R&B, Electronica and sounds reminiscent of Vanity, or if you let them describe it, "a cornucopia of amazingness in your fucking ears."

Listening to their album you'd hardy be able to tell it was the product of an intense 2-week studio session in Vegas, but the ladies managed to put their game faces on and crank out what I consider to be flavor for your ears.

"Drink in my cup" or "We F*ck You" are sure to get you and your girls ready to ride out to the club or you can slow things down with "Blind" or "So Good"(which also features Lil Wayne on the remix). However, my personal favorite is "Freaky Freaky".

Since the majority (if not all) of the tracks were written by The-Dream (who is an exceptionally talented man himself) it was hard to not love the sound these ladies exude. Basically it's The-Dream's lyrics and production quality presented to us via these fabulous 4 ladies that can not only carry a note but keep our attention with their svelte physiques, vivacious personalities and dime piece looks.

These women are ready to change up the music game and inspire "other women to just for it" says Naomi, the group's lead singer and Toronto native.

I feel like they have the total package and am excited to see what they have in store for us. Their debut album "How to be a Lady, Volume 1" is in stores now. Please go buy it and support these chicks - - the album is hot and a must have for the summer!

Friend Lover

Drink in my Cup

Adventures on the CTA - Love is blind?

I'll admit that there have been instances where I've seen someone on the bus and deemed them worthy of a "CTA bus relationship" lol. You know, you ride the same bus everyday, share a smile, maybe even a hello... but it usually stops there. This is the latest addition to my CTA bus relationship file.. or as I like to call it, my BBF (bus boyfriend)...

Last weekend as I was riding the #147 to Water Tower with Caramel Kisses I was blown away by this amazingly attractive guy that wheeled his way onto the bus, literally. From the waist up this guy was the business. I mean, the bulging veins in his arms were making my mind race... his arms/shoulders were a nice size...even his neck game was on point.. and his face? Very easy on the eyes. This guy was definitely "jaw drop" worthy. It was hard to miss the wheel chair dude was rolling around in but I almost looked past it until my eyes made their way down to his calves... which were the size of my arms. *sad face* (Atrophy is an mf'er) This got me to thinking, could you be in a relationship with someone that was handicapped/paralyzed? I'm not talking about having something happen to the person you're already involved with and being faced with the decision to stay by their side... but instead meeting someone and falling for them despite their disability. I have to admit, I don't think I could do it. I want someone to be capable of chasing me around the house... and not just zooming around a ranch style home... but like skipping steps in a townhouse. Maybe if we met online and had a connection it'd be possible... but, ehh... well, I don't know if I'm being shallow or just realistic. I think it all boils down to the lifestyle you lead and how active you are.

So, my question is have you ever dated someone that was paralyzed/handicapped? And if so, what was your experience. If not, could you ever see yourself doing it?

** Please ignore the orange outfit. He was doing a bit too much. lol..**
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