Apr 26, 2009

My Weekend...

Friday

It was an absolutely beautiful day and I couldn't fight the urge to head to Water Tower with my partner in crime K Dot and waste some time before getting ready to head out. After a few minor glitches (my "roommate" accidentally drank the alcohol that clearly was not theirs) we threw back a little wine (no longer a reason to save that bottle for July 3rd) and hopped a cab to Excalibur.

I'm not a prompt person. In fact despite having a great sense of time I'm usually late... for everything. I'm not proud of this but I'm aware and it is what it is. Fortunately, we made it to the club at 11:20p and were able to pay our $5 cover and head to the bar for drinks. I've never been to Excalibur before and was unfamiliar with the layout but this club is HUGE!!! I mean, seriously... there are so many nooks and cranies for you to explore and get lost in (be careful tho, legend has it the entire club is haunted...).

As I'm downing some shots of Patron (I lost count after 5) a guy at the bar proceeded to speak to us:

Guy: What's your name
Me: Ishea
Guy: Do you know that your name is Muslim?
Me: Yeah, it is.
Guy: Are you Muslim?
Me: Nope... *shakes head*
Guy: *disappointed look*

Now, that conversation was pretty standard until the rest of his clan approached and every single one of them proceeded to inform me that my name was Muslim, ask if I was Muslim...and one then (clearly the drunkest of them all) asked if I was a TERRORIST!!!! Umm... the issue with this is that dude had a straight face the entire time... but to make matters worse he was from Pakistan. Not to be Captain Obvious but if anyone was at risk of getting mistaken for a terrorist it sure as hell wouldn't be me!! The guy at the bar apologized for his drunk friend and we kept it moving.

There's always a point in the night when you've reached your limit. I wasn't sloppy drunk but I was definitely in need of a place to sit down. We saw a room marked "World Wide Lounge" and figured that this would be the perfect place for us to rest our feet. Before I knew what happened we were both knocked out getting GREAT sleep. I've never fallen asleep in the club before but it was a Friday, we had worked all day, were wasted, and the room was full of big comfy couches. I'm not a deep sleeper so I easily awoke when I felt the weight of someone sitting next to me. I opened my eyes to be met with the frame of a tall African guy.

"Are you okay"

I had to adjust my eyes a bit and remember where I was. lol...

"Yeah, I'm fine" I said as I began to pull myself up off the couch.

"Well, can I eat your pussy?"

It was as if the record scratched and everything came to a halt.

"Excuse me?" I replied, half astonished half disgusted. "Hell no...I need to leave."

I turned to K Dot and proceeded to call her name and inform her that we needed to leave immediately...

The guy must have not understood what "no" meant because he slipped me $40 and then asked if he could go down on me again!!!

"FUCK NO!" was my response and I more urgently informed my girl that it was time to roll. The guy was on some next level desperation shit. I've never in my life heard of a man offering YOU money to go down on YOU!!!! Is this real! People actually think stuff like that works. I'll pass...

As my girl got up we made our way out of the room and started heading for the stairs.

"Can I at least get my money back"

I had been in such a rush to leave that I hadn't realized that I still had his cash. I gave him his money and kept it moving. I was beyond drunk and not in the mood for any bullshit antics.

After that debacle we headed for the Gyros spot. To our surprise Shawnna was there with her "entourage" of hood-ish friends. We didn't approach her because they looked fairly, unfriendly... but we did think about it:

Me: That's Shawnna. Should we say hi?
K Dot: I think she got dropped by her label so she may be sad

lol... gotta love drunk, simplistic conversations.



Saturday

Started my day with a hangover and breakfast at Yolk in the South Loop. After breakfast and laying around the house (wasting hours of my life that I'll never get back) I hopped in the shower and threw on some clothes to head out for a friend's bday celebration. We went to the Chicago Indoor Racing track in Buffalo Grove. I didn't race but enjoyed watching everyone's competitive streaks ooze out. The birthday boy ended up coming in 1st place overall and that's all that mattered. lol...

After, we went for food at Hooters and I was amazed at the lack of ass and titties on the girls. Just gonna throw something out there, but shouldn't you have hooters to WORK FOR Hooters??? lol... The food was great ($6.99 for a lb of crab legs) and I indulged in another Patron Margarita. It was a nice way to spend the day - - with friends, great conversation and what could be better than ending my night with a behind the scenes episode of "To Catch a Predator" (one of my favorite shows to watch... these men are idiots!)


Sunday

Along with the rest of Chicago I watched as the Bulls pulled out an AMAZING double OT win against the Celtics. I saw the ending of the game while on the treadmill at LA Fitness. I'm sure I looked a little nutty clapping it up while running.


Weekend Haunts

Excalibur
632 N Dearborn St.
Chicago, IL 60654

Yolk
1120 S Michigan Ave.
Chicago, IL 60605

Chicago Indoor Racing
301 Hastings Dr.
Buffalo Grove, IL 60089

Hooters
1110 Perimeter Dr.
Schaumburg, IL 60173

7 comments:

The Fresh Man said...

OMG!!! That is a crazy ass weekend. I knew I should have came to that club to wake your ass up! lol

No but seriously dude gave you $40 and asked you if he could...WTF? Like seriously but I guess he say hell she's drunk..why not try? lol Crazy I tell you!

Catherine said...

I have no words for the dude on Friday!! I have seen Shawna in person before and she is a pretty girl, but she looks like she will cut a bitch quick:-)

Aramide said...

I am so mad at the African guy! As a Nigerian myself, I have to say that's exactly why I would never marry one! That was a mess! *smh*

P.S.-I need to start going out with you--never a dull moment!

South Loop Social Light said...

@ The Fresh Man - Yes, you should've been at the club so you could keep me awake (and possibly remove a shot or 2 from my hands)

@ Catherine - Shwanna was a pretty girl but she definitely had this hood swag to her. I'd say she'd cut a chick with no hesitation.

@ Aramide - There are few dull moments... typically there's SOMETHING that happens that makes you scratch your head, smile, or throw serious side eyes. Feel free to come out whenever you'd like!!

Karyn said...

Girl...I seriously had to hold in the laughter after reading your Excalibur story! I'm at the library and I think they still have a "No Cackling" policy. All I can say is "Wow." Oh, and LMAO. We are definitely planning a Patron-laced outing. Your stories are hillllarious!

lyfesimplified said...

Wow...I'm glad the guy ASKED first. Wow..I didn't expect " can I eat your p***y" as the next line!

Go.

bfrank84 said...

Oh well WOW.........


But on another note I love Yolk!

LOL

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