Jan 10, 2009

Best Life: Sex 101

The Oprah show has been featuring their "best life" series this week. Last night I sat in amazement as I watched various couples on stage openly discussing their sex lives, or lack thereof. One story that stood out was a married couple of 24 years in which the wife had not had an orgasm in 20 years. Yes, you read that right - - 20 years! It was somewhat heartbreaking to see this woman sitting there opening up to the world about everything that wasn't happening in her bedroom. I glanced at her husband...how embarrassing to have your wife putting you on blast in front of millions that you weren't handling business. Oprah brought on Dr. Laura Berman who counseled the various couples. Here are her 5 tips to a better sex life:

1. Tell the truth - Of course you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but you have to be honest. If it wasn't that great, you didn't climax, etc...put it out there.

2. Ask for what you want - You can't really complain about your sex life is you're not vocalizing what it is that you want. You have to throw your spouse a bone. Nobody is a mind reader...ask and you shall receive.

3. Let Go - Dr. Berman stressed the need to let go of any negative messages you've heard about sex (i.e. "good girls don't do this", etc...)

4. See the Doctor - Dr. Berman suggested that if you think there's a real problem you shouldn't hesitate to see your doctor. Most medical issues can be fixed.

5. Make your sex life a priority - Even though planned sexual encounters can seem unromantic, Dr. Berman urged that relying on spontaneity doesn't work in long term relationships. If you plan to set aside at least one or two days a week that will be focused on building and nurturing your sex life, you will start to notice changes in other areas as well.

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